Hard Expectations Society Has for Men
There exists a general notion that the world we live in, from generations prior, is a man’s world.
Now, we’ve seen great transformation and continuous efforts to dismantle patriarchal systems and elevate women above prejudice. Women are excelling in politics, business, and even science and innovation.
Although this remains a dream for many women in certain countries, the world that was once ignorant and tolerant of women’s oppression has finally awakened. It is now listening to their voice, ready to come to their rescue.
On the other hand, when will men speak up about the hard expectations set on them by society? Men who are sent to war to protect their families and own children are not receiving enough credit.
Society’s expectations sometimes take their toll when they treat men as invisible, bullet-proof machines. After all, it views masculine strength as infallible.
Everybody wants to live in a world that acknowledges the challenges and struggles of both men and women. It’s time to talk about the expectations that are actually heavy and difficult for men that society fails to acknowledge.
Men can’t be emotional.
A study proves that there’s little evidence supporting women as more physiologically emotional than men. Thus, men and women are practically equal in terms of having feelings and emotions. But, men who are seen as ‘’emotional’’ or ‘’soft’’ are the target of shame and exclusion.
A common example is a soft male character in a movie who gets ridiculed, laughed at, or bullied by a group of macho men. This kind of scenario doesn’t only happen on screen, but often in real life.
Emotional vulnerability among men appears to be some kind of irregularity. Once detected and seen, it has to be corrected or cured.
Would you agree that real men don’t cry? For starters, true courage comes from putting down the mask and opening up one’s vulnerabilities in front of others. When you let others see your imperfections and limitations, that is real courage.
Emotional vulnerability is critical. It is part of being human. We should all embrace it. And men, just like women, are entitled to be emotionally vulnerable. It’s time society stopped saying otherwise.
There’s no room for self-doubt.
Nobody likes a downer. A man has to work his way up to build confidence. In the current society, there’s no room for less confident insecure men.
In dating, for example, confidence and assertiveness are one of the traits women look for in a man. Generally speaking, women find it sexy when a man speaks with conviction and authority.
We know how fundamental confidence is in life. Confidence is hope. It’s seeing light even during the darkest times. So, what’s the problem when society expects men to act and be so?
The problem lies within the factors that shape men’s confidence in the current society. Are they successful, or competent enough? Do they have a high-paying job? Are they able to provide a comfortable and convenient life for their family?
It appears that society has long defined success within these parameters. And, it expects men to be successful in their respective careers. Worse, a man’s worth is sometimes measured by his job.
Society expects men to be confident while bearing the pressure to become successful six-digit earners. Men can’t fail, men can’t self-doubt. It seems like they are walking on a tightrope.
Achievements in life can definitely boost one’s self-confidence. They are proof that a man has worked hard enough to reach the top, and was able to rise against any obstacles. But, self-confidence should come from the premise of faith and self-clarity.
Even without a high-paying job, a fancy car, or a glamorous degree, a man who knows himself better than anyone can live an authentic and happy life.
Should have endless stamina.
Aside from doing hard, unwanted, and dirty jobs, men are expected to have endless work stamina. But, every person has different levels of endurance.
A study shows that male runners are more likely to hit the wall than females in marathons. A huge percentage of those male runners who reported hitting the wall are categorized as fast runners. Why? The reasons weren’t explicit.
To put it simply though, men tend to run faster in marathons and end up exhausting themselves.
If we could make an analogy from this, it is dangerous to allow men to believe that they have to be faster and stronger.
As Jay Shetty says, ‘’I am what I think you think I am.’’ If society continues to bear this kind of expectation, men will have difficulty identifying themselves. They’ll continue to push themselves to race towards the finish line of social expectations, hence failing to identify when to stop and give themselves a break.
Make the first move.
Lastly, let’s talk about the expectation that men should make the first move. A lot of people would have discovered a potentially bright future together had either made the first move. But of course, the onus is on the men to do that.
It’s certainly not easy for men to take the initiative. Besides the risk of rejection, they need to exert effort and invest time to be noticed by the woman they’re into.
How many times do we say “no” to other people for whatever reason? How many times have we been said “no” to? Rejection is easy to dish out, but not easy to take.
But men, and people in general, have different coping mechanisms. There are certain kinds of rejections that are too much to handle for some men.
Do we ever even imagine that some men cry themselves to sleep because they were rejected for not having enough money or not being hot enough? We know little about the amount of work they’ve put in just so they can pick themselves up and finally have the courage to approach other women again.
The hard expectations society has for men can make or break them. It’s either that pressure becomes the source of motivation to push themselves harder to reach the top, or the pressure goes too far beyond their control, and at any moment, can cause an explosion.
A simple acknowledgment by society can make a huge difference in breaking toxic gender norms and expectations both for men and women. When men empower women and women validate men, it creates a powerful ripple effect towards the true equality we are all clamoring for.
