4 Reasons Why Some Men Are Single by Choice
There are many misconceptions revolving around singlehood. Some of which become unsolicited comments from family and friends pressuring both men and women to settle down and build a family.
These days, singlehood has become a trend. People nowadays can choose whether they want to settle or not. Many are arguing that being married is no prerequisite to being happy in life.
At some point though, lifetime companionship is something most of us eventually strive for.
Why, with easy access to online dating, are a lot of men choosing to stay single?
Whether the reasons are dictated by life constraints or personal choice, let’s look at these four reasons with a close-up lens.
1. High Standards and Expectations
Men are aware of the standards and expectations set for them by society. A few studies suggest that wealth and social standing are significant factors for women when choosing a prospective mate.
To meet these standards, men need to acquire higher education and get high-paying jobs. Unfortunately, not everyone has the privilege to go to a university, and get a degree, let alone get a high-paying job.
They need to fit within the label of being ‘’competent’’ to increase their chance. Some men don’t want to carry the burden and pressure of these standards and expectations. When entering a relationship, men feel like going through a job interview that requires credentials.
This can be one of the reasons they choose to stay single. Men stick around the hookup culture initially to buy time and better position themselves.
For example, a lot of men choose to stay single to focus on getting higher education or laddering up their careers. By the time they see themselves as fit and worthy, they gain the confidence to end singlehood and enter a relationship with someone.
While these standards and expectations help men become the best version of themselves, the inner qualities of a man matters to women too. But, the majority of men stay single either to focus on building themselves up or to avoid the pressure from the expectations and gender roles of men in a relationship.
2. Tight Competition
Aside from social standing and wealth, tight competition in the modern dating scene discourages a lot of men from putting themselves out there.
The imbalanced ratio of men and women in online dating has become an issue that has yet to be resolved. With men outnumbering women on online dating apps, the competition is impossible to beat much less for an average man.
The statistics that show this imbalance is discouraging for a lot of men, especially for those who are already struggling with a lack of self-confidence and social skills. The fear of tight competition is one of the reasons they choose to stay single.
Another thing is men struggle to build meaningful connections with women in online dating. With the endless options women have, the amount of focus they can spend on knowing a prospective partner is distracted. Looks are important in online dating. To an average guy, he’d rather dodge the bullet.
Aside from the physical characteristics, others fear competition for specific reasons.
“There are more good-looking and younger guys out there.’’
‘’No one’s going to be interested in me.’’
“I’m a divorced man with kids, no woman would consider dating me.’’
This is the kind of self-talk some single men battle with. That’s why most of them choose to stay single.
Sure, they can always make an effort to change and gear toward a more optimistic mindset. Having kids, getting old, or being a divorced man are life’s circumstances beyond their control.
They can’t change the current status of their lives, so they’ve decided that being single is what’s best for them.
3. Fear of Commitment
Many men choose to remain single to have the freedom to flirt around. While this is true for younger men, some older men want to stay single to be able to do things they love without being tied down.
It’s either they enjoy the peace of not being accountable to anyone, or they want to focus their time and energy on something else. For a lot of guys, singlehood means more time to travel, go camping, and meet new people.
For them, there’s a certain kind of happiness that singlehood can offer which can be found through exploration of oneself and the world around.
On a different note, men who have been single for too long have difficulty transitioning. By the time they decide to enter a relationship, there seems to be some kind of unfamiliar restrictions that are way too much to handle.
The challenges that come along with the transition from being single to being in a relationship make them reluctant to get real and enter a serious relationship.
4. Past Experiences and Trauma
The fear associated with trauma serves a good purpose — to avoid things that can cause or inflict the same pain again. When a person gets cheated, we hear encouraging advice like,
‘’It’s time to find someone in your life. It’s not the end for you.’’
It’s easy for others to say so without knowing the pain that a person went through. Men who experienced the same thing choose to stay single for the fear of pain. The healing process consumed so much of their time and energy.
Getting out of that painful situation wasn’t easy for them. If they don’t find a woman who is worth taking the risk for, they are entitled to stay single for as long as they want, and for as long as they need.
Men choose to stay single for different reasons. Some of them might need more time to prepare as they understand the responsibilities that come along with a serious relationship. Others face challenges and fears under their current circumstances.
Their prospective partners are doomed to become collateral damage once they decide to enter a relationship unprepared. They would rather show decency by staying single to avoid such a thing from happening.
But, there’s always a lock to every door as they say. Whatever reasons these men have for staying single, the right woman will disprove these challenges, worries, and fears when the perfect time comes.
